My heart is broken too, students...

Dear Students...

Today marks 49 days since I have actually seen your faces in person -- and not just through a computer screen. It marks 49 days since you walked through my classroom door, shuffled into your too-small-for-any-human-being sized desks, and plopped down your melting iced coffees.

Today I listened intently for words I knew were inevitable, but that I still wished would not be spoken. For some of you, remote learning has been a breeze. You are on your own schedule, you can sleep in, and you can do all of your work from the comfort of your bedroom -- equipped with pajamas, endless snacks, and maybe even a Snuggie (as I have seen in some of our Google Meets - ha!). I am beyond grateful that this is your experience. Truly. For others, though, THIS is not working. You are stressed, overwhelmed, bored, lonely, sad, confused. You cannot keep up with the emails and notifications. You need extra assistance that just isn't as simple to receive through a computer screen. You need a routine. You are struggling. I want you to know something that you may or may not know...

Your teachers feel this way too. I feel this way.

Today, when I read the words on the blue and gold PowerPoint presentation that has become a daily reminder of everything we are missing, I felt my heart physically break. I knew it was coming, but it didn't make the words sting any less. I wanted more time. I wanted more days of you driving me insane, and making me dramatically throw myself on the floor, or forcing me to stand on a chair just to get your attention. I wanted more early morning breakfast sessions where we would chat and do work in the dimly lit room gearing up for the rest of the day. I wanted more debates where we fought it out from the four corners of the room, leaving me so impressed at how well you could all handle yourselves in arguments that even most adults wouldn't be able to handle. I wanted more quick chats in the hallway as you strolled by to your next class, not even thinking about the fact that we might not return to school. I wanted more after school venting sessions where you would stop in and unload about your day, or about your parents, or about college. I wanted more opportunities to "ooh" and "ahh" over pictures of your prom dresses and help you pick out the best flowers to match them. I wanted more days of hunting down where the classroom "mice" were hidden and trying to figure out what nook or cranny they could be shoved inside. I wanted more time to laugh at the ridiculous accents you were making as we acted out a play in front of the class. I wanted more time to hear about all of the amazing things going on outside of our classroom because all of you are such individual, interesting, insightful humans. I wanted more time to do all of the things that cannot be replicated remotely through a computer screen. I wanted more time that I didn't know we would not be getting when you left my classroom door on March 13th.

So, the truth of it is... I am sad. I know a lot of you are sad as well. This might be one of the hardest experiences any of us has ever faced. Want to know the real truth? I HATE teaching remotely. I HATE having to interact through a computer screen. I HATE not being able to see on your faces if you are ACTUALLY okay when you type that you are fine. I HATE not being able to laugh, and smile, and be silly. I hate it, but I miss all of you.

Do you know what I LOVE though? I LOVE that you are still showing up. I LOVE that you are waking up each day and doing what you have to do even though you would probably rather stay in bed. I LOVE that we are still able to connect -- even if it is just through a computer screen. I LOVE that you are doing YOUR best -- whatever your best might be. I LOVE that YOU are all the reason I show up everyday and do the same.

This isn't what any of us wanted or wished, but it is our reality right now, so I will leave you with this...

Take a deep breathe. Mourn the loss of our school year. Cry about it, scream about it, write about it, sing about it -- whatever you need to do. Your feelings are valid. Your sadness is fair. Take the time to be sad about it... I know I will be doing the same. Then? Think about how we can utilize this time together in a different way. We might not be physically together right now, but we can still make new memories together -- just in a different way. I am committed to making our school year together memorable for a reason other than just it being the year we had to do remote learning.

My heart is broken right now (truly), but broken hearts heal. We will all get through this TOGETHER.

Whether or not we are sitting together in our uncomfortable desks, by the dim light of my one too many lamps, we are still a class, and you are still my students. I'm sad. I miss you. I really miss you. And we will be okay. <3

Love, Mrs. Dyer

Se